WARNING: This story contains discussion of self-harm and suicide.

Though he can’t tell you how long, Bruce Bilney has been involved with agriculture all his life.

Mr Bilney is a 68-year-old Angus farmer for Francis Parks Holdings in Irrewarra, near Colac, west of Melbourne. He’s seen every new season passing by in the blink of an eye, every new crop rising from the rough but ancient soil, and of course, every drought South-west Victoria has faced in that time. Over the past few months rainfall has again become scarce, leading to lack of feed and water supply. The Australian Bureau of Meteorology says most parts of Victoria are 30% below their average September rainfall levels.

The current drought has been financially and mentally destructive for some, but for Mr Bilney, the production of feed has been the biggest challenge. “I normally maintain a two-year, sometimes three-year buffer of feed (and) I chewed through all of that,” Mr Bilney says. “It’s not a very good thing to see your animals going backwards to that extent,” he said. Though the number of farmers currently affected is unknown, the Victorian Government revealed more than 2,800 farmers have accessed Farm Drought Support Grants.

Despite the patchy weather and having to sell off his older cattle, his farm is doing “reasonably well”, but the mental health crisis surrounding the drought is tough.

Mr Bilney attends support groups such as Over The Farmgate, where he and other farmers can come out and admit the way they feel, talking about the toll of the drought and their issues and concerns. Mr Bilney says the group has gone from barely meeting 7 times a year, to now meeting every month. For many, being able to come out and admit that things in life aren’t going the way you planned is as hard as “walking the Alpines”. But for him it’s also tough to share his success in keeping his own farm afloat. “I [don’t] talk about our rainfall and that our stuff is growing reasonably well, because there were people there that were struggling and the last thing, they want to hear is that someone is doing reasonably well,” says Mr Bilney.

Mental health amongst farmers has become a growing issue in Victoria. A 2023 joint report by dairy co-op Norco and the National Farmers Federation revealed more than 40% believe poor mental health is an issue in their community. Mr Bilney says in his region alone, four people have taken their lives in the last four weeks, while others he knows of people have been hospitalised due to mental health issues.

Staying in touch with others is crucial.  “It’s the one that don’t get in those social environments, the ones that bottle it up and don’t say anything to anyone, they just go out the back and shoot themselves,” he says.“(But) you soon realise that you’re not Robinson Carouse and realise it’s not just me; my neighbour’s got the same problem,” Mr Bilney says.

Still, amid the suffering, Mr Bilney calls himself,“the eternal optimist”.

“It’s going to rain,” he says. “I can’t tell you exactly when, but it’s going to rain.”

If this story has raised issues for you, contact Beyond Blue on 1300224636, Lifeline on 13 11 14.